Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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