You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize