i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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