I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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