Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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