a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
