New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
