No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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