I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
