Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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