Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
