my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
