I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
