my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
