So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
