I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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