it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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