ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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