Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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