I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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