I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
