i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize