I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
