Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
