She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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