but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
