Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
