First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
