lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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