He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
