I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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