I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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