Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
did i just pee glitter
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
