Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
