people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
