So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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