whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
