I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
