I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
