Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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