Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
