how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
