My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
