What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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