It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
