She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize