i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
