I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's shark week go big or go home
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
