I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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