I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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