speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
