you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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