Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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