If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
