do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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