Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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