are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
