We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
