Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Brb crying the tears of my youth
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
