dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
