Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
