Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
whose ass print is on the piano?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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