Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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