Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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