u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
