oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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