after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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